TRANSL by RetroErised
We're here today with film star Natalie Portman.
今天我们请到了影星娜塔莉•波特曼。
Now, Natalie, the last time you were here, I heard things got a little out of control.
娜塔莉，我听说上一次你做客时，事态有点失控。
[2006年的前作《Natalie's Rap》同样以伪访谈形式在SNL上播出，本歌多处与之照应]
Yeah, well, I was going through a really weird time then. But... I've matured a lot.
-没错，好吧，我那时正处于一段诡异的时期。但是…现在我已经成熟多了。
Why don't you fill us in on what it's like to be you?
不如让我们领略一下你的风范吧！
-Okay, ya bish.
-好啊,你个小婊砸。
[《Money Trees》]
I'm sorry, what?
不好意思，你刚说啥？
Yeah, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman
Yeah！ 波特曼，波特曼，波特曼，大名鼎鼎的波特曼，波特曼，波特曼
[《Jumpman》]
Fucked your husband and his best friend just for sport, man
干翻你老公和他基友跟玩似的
Messed around and made the same song twice
四处浪荡，饶舌神作再度进阶
Here's a Bush, now eat your Condoleezza Rice
带着布什，舔你的康多莉扎·赖斯去吧
[小布什和其国务卿赖斯有过暧昧]
You know it's clickbait, clickbait, clickbait
你知道这只不过是标题党，噱头，噱头
Put a dildo on a switchblade, switchblade, switchblade (Woo!)
假丁日后插把弹簧折刀，折刀，折刀
Xannies dissolving in my Pinot
抗焦药溶在姐的皮诺酒里
My man dance, but he's not a ballerino
我家男人跳舞，但他绝非芭蕾舞者
[Natalie的老公Benjamin Millepied曾是芭蕾舞者，两人相识于《Black Swan》]
Yeah, he twinkle his toes, but he give me good D, though
尽管他看起来GAY气，可禁不住我满意他器大活好
[「twinkle toes」亦双关舞者轻盈的舞姿 ]
Wrap a good burrito
还卷得一手好大烟
[「burrito」指叶子卷]
Tide Pods the only fucking thing I snack on
汰渍洗衣球是我他妈的专属零嘴
[YouTube上曾经流行的TidePodChallenge-花式吃洗衣球，有兴趣的不要尝试]
Black out and go motherfucking Black Swan
两眼一黑断片陷入《黑天鹅》式癫狂
[Natalie凭借《Black Swan》获得2011年奥斯卡最佳女主]
Ooh! These dudes slash and fix your posture, boy
你们这群蝼蚁就是欠姐鞭笞调教
I'll come upside your head with my fucking Oscar, boy
姐要抡起亮闪闪的小金人对准你狗头来一下
My brain gone off that fucking Ayahuasca, boy
致幻死藤带姐神游九霄
Tell your tourist parents I'ma turn you 'to a foster boy!
告诉你那对私生饭爹妈，老娘要搞死他们让你成孤儿!
Wow, I gotta say it seems like you're almost exactly the same, but with current references.
天啦噜，我还是感觉您老和过去没两样，只不过抖了点新料。
-Untrue. I'm a mother now. It's really changed my perspective.
-一派胡言。我已为人母。这真的改变了我看待事物的角度。
And do you find it difficult juggling kids and a career?
那么你觉得协调事业与孩子困难吗？
-You can juggle these nuts.
-你可以滚去玩蛋了。
[「juggle」双关 ]
What?
啥？
I don't dance now, I make mommy moves
现在姐不跳舞了，一举一动都散发母性光辉
[《Bodak Yellow》]
When I gave birth, I didn't even push
姐生娃，不费吹灰之力
I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush
飞着顶级的叶子，嗨到原地爆炸
And when my water broke, you know it drowned the doctor
而姐的羊水一破，医生都得溺死其中～
They say I'm sex-positive
流言说我是性解放主义者
Hell yeah, I'm positive
太他妈对了，我可是妥妥地确定
That you're going down while I'm bumping "My Prerogative"
在你跪下给我咬时，姐正被《我的特权》轰炸耳膜
Tell me why
告诉大爷究竟为啥
[ 上句歌词中提到《My Prerogative》]
Ha, I guess I'm showing my age
哈，姐大概已经暴露了年龄
[该单曲在1988年发行，Natalie当年七岁]
Now bend over and spread them
现在给本宫乖乖弯腰张腿
because you about to get fucked(Damn!)
待本宫临幸把你们口拍番羽（厉害惹！）
Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie, have you seen the new Star Wars movies?
挺迷幻啊。现在我不得不问，娜塔莉，你看了新出的星战电影吗？
[《The Force Awakens》&《The Last Jedi》]
-No
-呵:)
Oh, well they're really good!
哦哟，续集可棒了！
They're much better than...
精彩程度远超…
-Better than what?
-超过什么来着?
[暗示娜塔莉出演的星战前传三部曲]
...shit
…卧槽
Say something 'bout the motherfucking prequels, bitch! (They were good!)
快给老娘可劲吹一波屌炸天的前传，婊砸！（真素好看！）
Say something fucking nice about Jar-Jar Binks (He's tall?)
快给老娘用心地夸一把加•加•宾克斯！（…他很高？）
[Jar-Jar Binks是一个被很多星战粉讨厌的角色，其身高近2m]
Now kiss him right on his seventeen dicks (What?)
现在滚来挨个亲吻他的十七根巨屌！（什么鬼？）
While I sit dead on your face and take a shit
一边让老娘颜骑糊你一脸屎
Oh, Natalie...
啊～娜塔莉…
-Yeah?
-有事启奏？
Please come meet your baby
求你来见见你惨兮兮的孩子吧
He cries himself to sleep every night
他每夜哭着入眠
-That little shit ain't mine!
-那坨小垃圾才不是姐的种！
Oh, Natalie...
啊～纳塔莉…
-What?
-有屁快放！
It's been twelve long years
你我久别十二载
-Shut the fuck up!
-可他妈闭嘴吧你！
And I'm seven days sober, I swear on his life!
我以你儿子的性命起誓，我已戒酒七日
-You're a mess, Carl.
-你可真是个撸瑟啊，卡尔。
Okay, well, that's all the time we have. Natalie, one last question—do you think those "Time's Up" pins have had the impact that you were hoping for?
好了，打住，我们的时间快不够了。纳塔莉，最后一个问题——你认为那些「到此为止」的胸章带来的影响是否达到了预期呢？
[「Time's Up」是继MeToo后，由好莱坞名流发起的一场反对性骚扰的女权运动 ]
AH！
嗷！
-How's that for impact?
-这给你的冲击够刺激吗？
[「impact」双关 ]
Well, actually…
其实，事实上...
[「Well，actually」是直男式说教者的口癖]
oh, no...
不要啊啊…
-No more questions.
-姐不奉陪了。
